Double Digit Salute!!!!!

Rockin' MP3 player!!!!

Hey hip young 'uns!!!! What's happening "dudes"!?!?! Sorry, I've just been reading this "slammin'" article about an MP3 "Walkman" type thingie!!!

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/195769.asp

But hey!!!! Uz hip 'n' happenin' (!!!!) young people don't need to told what to do, eh?!?!?!?!?!? Well, er, yes, but anyway, there's this young dude who has made his own home-made MP3 walkman, and on the following site, he tells you how to do it!!!!!

http://gussie.alaska.net/acplay/index.spml

Negativland to make Teletubbies single?!?!

You might remember Negativland and their lovely little website... (See issue 9...) Well, check this out from the "Coming Attractions" section!!! Among the things they are working on is:

"SECRET SINGLE

Something to do with a number one world wide hit single, a very popular childrens' televison show and...anarchism."

Hmmmm.... I wonder what that could be!!!!

http://www.negativland.com/attractions/coming.html

Unfortunately for them, Cruel Site of the Day has beat them to the idea!!!!

http://www.cruel.com/images/unatubby.gif

Cruel Site of the Day is a really cool site BTW!!! Check it out at: http://www.cruel.com/

BTW we've just found out that Negativland is actually named after some track by one of those "alternative" German groups from the early 70s!!!! Why they didn't name themselves after a more snappily-titled track like "Morgenspaziergang" we don't know!!!!!!!!

The most sarcastic newsgroup ever?!?!?!

Well, we've been reading news://alt.music.mp3/ for some "tips" on MP3 music, and we've been finding some rather sarcastic responses to common questions....

Loth wrote in message <6tes9d$ejo$1@front2.grolier.fr>...
>Does anybody know if there's a way to read midi files with Winamp ?
>If the answer is "no", is there a way to convert mid to mp3 ???
>
>Thx in advance
>
>Loth
>
>

Yeah. In winamp click on open then select your midi file.

Jeff Ribotto wrote in message <6ta079$304$1@news.bconnex.net>...
>does anyone know the best way to get mp3 songs recorded to a cassette tape?
>
hmmm....maybe running you sound cards output to your tapedecks input....

At least, we assume they're sarcastic...

Maybe they should ask Obi-Wan Kenobie!??!?!

[Really "cracking" joke comming up!!!! Hold your sides please!!!!!!!!!]

OK... Scientests are pretty "testy" at the best of times!!!!!! But seriously, this week they've been grappling with an unknown "force", so they're even more annoyed!!! It appears that the outer space probes have had their paths slightly mucked up by a mysterious "force"!!!!!

http://www.bbcnews.org/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_168000/168410.stm

'Blue Screen of Death' could literally kill you- thanks to a slug!!!

"Dr. Dennis Willows" from University of Washington wants to "implant a tiny silicon chip in a sea slug". And he's managed to get money from Microsoft to go right ahead and do it!!!!! You might wonder what's so great about sticking a silicon chip in a slug... Well, it's to see how it's memory works of course!!!! And to find a "man-machine" type computer-human interface that doesn't rely on Windows!!!!! So some time in the future we'll all be wearing red shirts and talking German like those cheeky Kraftwerk chappies with implanted chips running in our brains running Microsoft systems!!! Wow!!!! That will be something to look forward to!!! I just hope they fix the "Blue Screen of Death" by then tho!!!!!

http://www.wired.com/news/news/technology/story/14955.html

The Ultimate Y2K prob!!!!

Well, those US survivalist types are getting in a tizzy about the Millenium Bug (See issue 4...) and are expecting the usual plague and pestilence and so on, but it might be even worse than that!!!!! The Y2K prob might cause *really bad TRAFFIC JAMS*!!!!!! Arg!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.wired.com/news/news/politics/story/14959.html

Not just Y2K!!!

Well, while you're getting used to this Millenium business, here's a whole list of similar "problem" dates, just to get you really paranoid!!!!!!!

http://slashdot.org/articles/98/09/17/1011225.shtml

End of the PCs?!?!?!

You might think that reading this on a computer is a good idea, but have you ever thought of reading it off a Tyrannosaurus Rex?!?!?! Well, in the future you might be doing both!!!!!! That's because according to the Economist, your computer will become a dinosaur!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently the market is shifting from big "do everything" desktop PCs to many little devices to do specialised thingies...

http://www.economist.com/4nPvH48I/editorial/freeforall/current/index_sf1133.html

Say hello to our new viewer- EROS!!!!!!

Now you can see yourself in a completely new perspective- literally!!! That's because you can now see declassified photos from spy satellites at this new website!!! Oddly enough, we don't see any pictures of Central Scotland!!! They're probably still classified after that business with the FBI and NSA... (See issue 9...)

http://edcwww.cr.usgs.gov/bin/html_web_store.cgi

Old before their time?!?!?!

Now that our illustrious zine has entered the E-Zine Webring, We've been jumping around the ring randomly to see what the "competition" is like... And we found this magazine called "Retrospective" which is apparently a "groovy" mag for "teens"... Well, read it for yourself, and tell me if doesn't read a little like an older bloke writing it whilst listening to Radio 2!!!!!!

http://move.to/retrospective

The Ezine Webring is in:
http://www.ezine-webring.com/

It's quite neat!!!! Oh yeah, an we saw this "award" in another mag....

http://www.fortunecity.com/victorian/hampton/165/mtaward.gif

A bit too geeky for his own good?!?!?

So, you've just hacked into a super-duper computer, what do you do next?!?! Divert huge sums of money to your bank account!??!?! Write "Kilroy Woz 'Ere" or something really "political" on the webpage ?!?!?!? No!!!!! You would of course use the computing power to compute extremely large prime numbers!!!!!! Well, that's one hacker did anyway!!!! Just before he got caught, anyway!!!!

http://cnn.com/TECH/computing/9809/15/uswest.hacker.ap/index.html

Memo to Security services- Don't put top secrets on tha W3!!!

What would you do if you've got a whole load of of top secrets?!?!?! Put it on a website where everyone can see it of course!!!!!! Well, unless you're someone like the Pentagon!!!!!! They've just got round to realising that putting sensitive data on a publicly available website might not be a good idea!!!! And they're doing a search on their websites to check there's no secret stuff!!! "Loose lips sink ships" they say!!!! Well, of course loose lips sink ships- if they keep dribbling on long enough, it'll waterlog the ship and it'll sink!!!! But I don't see what that's got to do with the websites!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.internetnews.com/intra-news/1998/09/1701-usa-pentagon.html

Don't tell your 'top secret' recipie to these dudes!!!!

While we're on the subject of secrecy... Ever had a MacDonalds, and thought: "Mmmm, this sauce is really yummy, I wonder how they give it their authentic plasticy taste?!?!?!?" Well, now you can find out from this site, which tell you a whole load of top secret references!!! There's even a "dead food" forum- but won't the food be a bit moldy?!?!?!?!

http://www.topsecretrecipes.com

Just get rid of the starlight!!!!

Have you ever thought: "Lots of people say I'm on another planet completely!!!!! But I wonder what it would be like to be *really* on another planet?!?!?" Well, such a thought been never far from my mind!!!!!! But a whole load of astronomers must be thinking the same thing, because they're trying to find planets around other stars!!! And they've hit on the original idea that: "To look at the planet you need to get rid of the starlight"!!!!!!!! Cor, these dudes are really brainy!!!!!!!

http://www.wired.com/news/news/technology/story/15113.html

Do the 'South Park', man!!!!!

Well, you might not be terribly impressed by "South Park", but watch out, it's going to get even worse, as they're going to "Do The Bartman" by releasing a novelty single, which will probably go to No. 1 for zillions of weeks!!!! It's by "Master P" and it's a "rap" called, wait for it, "Kenny's Dead"!!!! Ho ho. Even worse it's the "flagship" single from a whole "South Park" album!!!! It's probably going to be even more embarrasing than "The Simpsons Sing The Blues"!!!

http://www.comedycentral.com/southpark/album/

Squish the web!!!!

Have you ever looked at these webpages and thought "I think they would go better if you squished them!!!!!" Well, that day may be not so far away!!!! Apache, the world's no. 1 webserver (So it's like The Spice Girls of webservers!!!) has got support for sending compressed webpages, but so far no web browser supported it- until now!!!!! The Mozilla project to make the next Netscape browser has included it- and since text files compress really well, this sort of thing can make a really big difference!!!! Neat-o or what-o?!?!?!

http://www.mozilla.org/projects/apache/gzip/

A different type of white 'stuff'?!?!?!

Now this is getting ridiculous!!!!! Just as you thought that flippin' "Clinton" business was dying down now, this "comes" up!!!! Apparently not all the "white stuff" on the infamous Monica Lewinsky dress (ie The one that she didn't wash for two years!!!!) is not all what you might think- some of it is allegedly cocaine!!!!!! Anyway, also in this "story": apparently 25% of the staff have a "history" of drug use... Well come on, some of them must have come from 60s, so what do you expect!!!!!!!!!

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/exclusiv/980922.exclu.html

HDs- you're at the blummin' limit!!!!!!!

Well, you might impressed by how big HDs are getting in capacity whilst getting smaller (See issue 9...) but you soon won't be impressed!!! Why not?!?! Well, HD manufacturers expect disk drives will reach their limit of compactness by 2004!!! By then, they expect we'll have HDs that can store 8000 MB an inch!!!! Luckily they've got a little friend called "MO"!!! MO stands for "magneto-optical" or something technical like that....

http://www.economist.com/editorial/freeforall/current/st4626.html

Entire Internet laughs at sad photographer!!!!!

This is great!!!! We haven't had so many laughs since "Killer Net"!!!! Some photographer noticed that someone had linked to a page which had linked to an unauthorised picture of Liz Taylor which he had made, and he tried to sue the person for linking to something which linked to it!!!!!!

http://www.abcnews.com/sections/tech/DailyNews/websuit980921.html

And he was very surprised when the judge dismissed it!!! Ho ho!!!! Now they only need to do this in the UK with that "Shetland Times" business....

http://www.nytimes.com/techweb/TW_Court_Dismisses_Web_Copyright_Case.html

Single chip cable modem....

Have you ever had fish 'n' chips and just before you ate a chip, you thought "This could surf the Internet one day!!!!!!!!"!??!?!?! Well, you might, after reading this piece about the first ever single-chip modem!!!!!!!!

http://biz.yahoo.com/bw/980921/broadcom_1.html

Just the sort of people you want building your graphics workstations!!!!!!!

Carbon Dioxide Bombs!!!!! Surgical Tubing Slingshot!!!! Burning things with a Fresnel Lens!!!!! Bungee jumping with video tapes!!!! Microwaved CD's!!!!! Just the sort of things you'd expect from the cheeky chappies who work at Silicon Graphics!!!! So when you next order a Silicon Graphics workstation, just look here to see what sort dudes build your reliable machine!!!!!

http://207.113.214.3/~dbg/antics/

Silly advice!!!

Well, you may have had some helpful hints from "Bad Advice Man", (See issue 8...) but here's some gems, in a site called "Don't throw a brick straight up: A Stupid Person's Guide To Life"... Apparently you've not to sleep in the middle of a road or something like that, which is just as well, as I was planning to test the slumber qualities of the Milton Central Bypass!!!!!!!!!

http://www.rinkworks.com/brick/

Watch Tori Amos whilst loading a webpage!!!!

The latest little toy on the SDWWWHQ Stealth Ninja AWACs web browsey-wowsey is this wierd thingie called Zing! Yes, I know it sounds like one of those Children's ITV progs from the 80s with Gaz Top on it, but it's actually a strange program which loads visuals and stuff while you're on the Internet, but not actually downloaing anything, and then when you click on a webpage, you get a bit of these visuals appearing whilst you're waiting for the page to download!!!! It's actually a pretty decent idea, but we think the content will have to get better before it really catches on!!!! There are numerous "channels" which "broadcast" about 15 secs of Shockwave Flash animation, one of them is a "famous quotes" chan, another is a "Learn French" spot, and then there's one devoted to music "clips" from various bands reviewed in a US magazine called "Rolling Stone", who appear to be devoted to exactly the same sort of bands covered in that book I did last year called "First Against the Wall When the Revolution Comes: A Guide to Who's Who In Dull-But-Worthy Music"!!!!

Once they get more exciting stuff on their "channels", and, even better, allow users to make their own content, then they'll really be laughing!!!!

http://www.zing.com/

The very first thing we saw from Zing!!!!! (!!!!)

http://zgs0.zing.com/ISAPI/ZapServer.dll?Zap&CreativeURL=
http%3A%2F%2Fzfs-farm.zing.com%2Fzing%2Fcontent%2F80001b5f.dat

Now this is more like it!!!!!

http://zgs0.zing.com/ISAPI/ZapServer.dll?Zap&CreativeURL=
http%3A%2F%2Fzfs-farm.zing.com%2Fzing%2Fcontent%2F80001b60.dat

This could be very rude.... What is the "secret" exactly!??!?!

http://zgs1.zing.com/ISAPI/ZapServer.dll?Zap&CreativeURL=
http%3A%2F%2Fzfs-farm.zing.com%2Fzing%2Fcontent%2F800014f2.dat

Serious 'Adult' stuffs!!!

Some "serious" porn mag has started up on the web!!!! Actually, this story isn't very interesting!!!!! We just mentioned it because the Wired News story covering it had this really hilarious paragraph in it!!!!!!!!!!!

"For Field, pornography and erotica have become jaded. Too many lovers have warmed to the touch, purred like kittens, switched into high gear, and thought they were going to explode."

Ooooh errrr, missus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.wired.com/news/news/culture/story/15153.html

IF Sky TV fails, blame this!!!!

Well, as the TV ad says, "All you need is Sky"!!!!! We don't know what Sky needs tho!!!!! Mind you, we know one thing they probably *don't* need and that's to be blown to bits by a rock from space!!!! But that might possibly happen in a couple of months, as the "Leonids" meteors hit the Earth!!!! They're actually quite small rocks, so they'll get burned up by the Earth's atmosphere, but they may hit satellites outside the atmos, and since they're travelling at a hefty speed, they may cause a little damage!!!!!!

http://www.wired.com/news/news/technology/story/15193.html

Fast forward to the good bits!!!! (If there are any!!!!)

You know that beer advert where bloke fast forwards his normal day like it was a video!??!?!?! Well, now you can do it with that video of the Clinton testimony, with this "searchable" online version of the video!!!!! Why you would actually want a searchable video of the Clinton testimony is another matter tho!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.wired.com/news/news/technology/story/15160.html

Tetris dude dead!!!

Yes!!!!! You'll need to put a black arm-band around your Gameboy, as Vladimir Pokhilko the creator of the "rockin' blockin'" game Tetris has gone to the great game dev centre in the sky!!!!! And the strange thing is that he was one of 3 found dead in mysterious circumstances in some American city!!!

http://www.sjmercury.com/breaking/headline1/071710.htm

A modern way of doing Post-modernist essays!!!!!

If I were to say to you that I could do a whole big long essay on postmodernism in a jiffy, you might think I was really clever, but I wouldn't be!!!!! And neither would the essay, as it would be a load of made up bollox!!!!! The only thing that would be really clever was that it would be made up by a computer program called the "Dada Engine" which was fixed up to act as a "Postmodern Essay Generator"!!!

http://www.cs.monash.edu.au/cgi-bin/postmodern

Unfortunately the Slashdot crowd have just found out about it, so the resulting increase in traffic has probably killed the flippin' server!!!!! So just in case, here's a couple of example essays someone did earlier!!!!!!

http://crds.chemie.unibas.ch/~motyl/post/

Here's the whole "Dada Engine" thingy!!!! It works on Unix type systems, and you can use it to make convincing random texts in any style!!!! Hmmm... I wonder if the "lads" at Loaded mag use it to make up the letters for the letter pages!??!?! They certainly couldn't do much worse!!!!!!

http://www.zikzak.net/~acb/dada/

Space Invaders- on a prism?!??!?!?!

Have you ever wondered what Pacman would look like on a rotating cube?!?!? How about Frogger on a dodecahedran?!?! Or even Donkey Kong on an isoceles triangle?!?!?!??!?! Well, that day might not be so far away!!!!! Someone in the ultra-hip Linux "scene" has done a version of that spiffy arcade emulator MAME using Open GL, which means all those old games will be able to take advantage of all the lovely texture-mapping facilities on your ultra-hep 3D card!!!!! I can't to see Defender mapped on a 3D fourier transform of a transverse sine wave tho!!!!!!

http://www.ling.ed.ac.uk/%7Eoliphant/glmame/

Computers = non-human intelligence?!??!

But watch out!!!!!!!! If you try and map Double Dragon onto a double-donut, the computer might get a bit annoyed!!!! Sounds unlikely?!?!?! Well, not according to George B. Dyson, who thinks that computers are already on their way to becoming intelligent, and even today they way computers "act" can appear to humans as corresponding to "emotions" and "behaviour"!!!!!!

I know what this guy means!!!!! My computer gets "tired" if I run Windows 95 on it for too long, and it stops working!!! Then, I have to switch it off, to give it a "rest", and then later when I "wake" it up, it's "better" again!!!!

http://slashdot.org/articles/98/09/24/0727236.shtml

Hang on, this Slashdot "review" looks a little familiar....

http://www.forum2.org/tal/books/darwin.html