The problem with writing a blog regularly, at least for me, is the act of actually starting more rather than doing it regularly. Once you get me started, there's no stopping. I lose all track of time, and can do it on automatic. It's something I do every day with my personal "journal". I can generally just start writing and 25 minutes later, I've done three pages. So as you can see, I've no problem with regular paper blogging. (Or at least, I wouldn't have a problem if my "journal" was a blog, which it isn't.) But on the keyboard it's a little different. Why is this?

One issue is that through keeping the journal, which I've been doing for over a year now, i am now faster writing than I am typing, which is a remarkable turnaround, given that I'm a programmer by profession. My handwriting my still be crap, but it's now less crap, and more importantly, honest and unfiltered, compared to my more self-concious computer prose.

The other issue is that it's far easier to delete and censor on a word processor than it is on the page. Of course, this might seem a pretty flimsy excuse. After all, you can cross out. However, this leaves a mark, even if you're a dab hand with liquid paper. On a computer, you can just delete, and it disappears. (Well, it does if you're not using versioning software on your word processor.)

The other objection is that when writing, one can censor internally before writing to the page. This has much more substance to it. However, one thing is that you can train yourself out of that mode. My "journal" is really just what I'm thinking at the time. Writing it without thinking, no attempt to censor, or make sure anything really makes sense. And it doesn't end in disaster, surprisingly enough. Most times I don't know what I'm going to write about when I start, and 3 pages later, I find I've been writing seriously about something which matters to me deeply without even realising it. Where has my mind been during this time. Well, usually in a zone where I just pay attention to the mechanics of what I am doing, much like the way I am generally more paying attention to the way I am typing at the moment.

I've been reading a book on drawing skills recently called "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain", trying out the exercises, and I've been trying out the various exercises to get in the "right-brain" mode. If you haven't heard of the expression before, then neither had I until earlier this year. As the name suggests, it's a term for activities which exercise the right hand hemisphere of the brain, where the more creative side of the mind is said to reside.

I won't go into it too much here, (Although I might later, as I'm starting to explore the subject in more detail now.) but there is a difference in the way one feels when getting into an R-brain mode. I started the early exercises in the drawing book, which included copying an upside-down drawing. When I finished, I turned my effort the right way and and inwardly (and disappointly) joked that at least I can do a Picasso version of the face. As it turned out, I had just done a reasonable copy of Picasso's line drawing of Stravinsky.

But even more important than that- and the actual point of the exercise- was to notice how one felt during the exercise, and to observe one's actions. During the exercise (Which was designed to put one into R-brain mode by rendering the drawing unrecognisable by making upside down and thus bypass the left brain's tendency to reduce what one sees to symbols.) I noticed that a lot of the times, I was concentrating on just doing the thing rather than thinking about it, and that my concentration sharpened and everything else melted into the background without me noticing. The only important thing was the thing I was doing. I found this revelation quite shocking when I first realised it after the exercise.

Why? Because I had felt that feeling before, when I was doing my journal, and some other times. For example, when I was coding to a deadline, and putting together complex algorithms on automatic. Other times included the photo shoots I had been doing in earnest since February, when I usually only have general ideas for set-ups, and improvise around them. Even small things like being in involved conversation without thinking and wondering afterwards "How did I come away with saying all that?". Even stranger, when I noticed all that, I re-read some books on art and creativity and noticed references to "right brain" activity I had never noticed before. Now I noticed, and suddenly it all clicked into place, in a manner of speaking.

Call it R-brain, or "in the mode", or whatever you like, there are times when I can do lots of things on automatic, generally creative things. And when I' m in the mode for blogging, I can write a lot, and generally keep on topic. In fits and starts of course. I'm not as good as I am on my journal. But you're not going to see that...

Anyway, what I'm intending to do on my return to blogging is to start getting into the zone more regularly in the manner than I can get into the zone with my journal. So expect a lot more doggerel from me here. And some of it will almost certainly be doggerel. I can't exactly pour out my mind onto a page in realtime and not expect to be contradictory, haphazard, rambling and obtuse some of the time. But if my journal is anything to go by it'll be a lot more organised than one might expect. And as time goes on, it'll probably become even more organised as I relax into it. First thing though is that I've got to relax into it, and make it a habit. A habit of actually starting it. This is where the challenge starts. If some of this sounds like I'm talking to myself, then you're probably right. I do often have to spell it out to myself.

I was reminded of my Livejournal blog via Blurb, who have the novel idea of allowing you to turn your blog into a book. Of course, the vast majority of blogs, mine included, are not going to be required reading material. But it did make me think: what if my blog was to be published, what would it say about me? The answer was not exactly positive, but then again, I am no longer really at the point where I really give a shit about such things. However, something percolated at the back of my mind, and eventually I thought: if a blog can say something about me, why not take control of it, and have it actually say what I think? Even if it changes from day to day. In fact, the fact that it changes to day are interesting, at least to me. The past year has seen major changes in my life. If I change as much in the following 6 months as I have in the past 6, it's going to be interesting to read these pages in future...