Pet Talk

If your pet could talk, what is the first thing s/he would say to you?

I've got two cats, Oscar and Ellie. Ellie's the boss, and Oscar's the "shy" one. I put "shy" in quotes because he's not too shy around me. As soon as I'm any where near a chair, up he pops, tail in the air, meowing in a low dry growl, like a cross between Henry's Cat and Tom Waits . Ellie, despite being the boss cat, has what one of my friends would describe as "Oh my gosh, that's like the daintiest cat meow like ever". But she's always meowing at me, especially when I'm in bed. I'll be reading something, and I hear a little dainty noise behind the book, usually as a prelude to Ellie's head popping up above the pages, and attempting to head-butt the book down. Something tells me she's looking for attention. Maybe she's jealous of the attention that Oscar's getting.

So as far as I'm concerned, the cats are already talking to me, and have been for some time. However, if they were to talk in English, I suspect it would be something a bit like EastEnders, with Oscar as Frank Butcher ("Awright, ma saaaaahhhn?") and Ellie as Dot Cotton. Actually, thinking on that, it's perhaps just as well they don't speak English, as I flippin hate EastEnders, and it would do my head in.