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This is a bit of a strange issue, because it looks like our web server on Grelb really is shutting down now, after that false alarm stuff last year!!!!!! (See issue 9...) They're supposed to be shutting down on Fri 5 March and moving to a new server at http://grelb.wasters.com/ , but I don't know if they've done that yet, at the time of writing!!!!!!!!! One thing will be sure, all you lucky email list people will probably be getting this issue first!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, you might have vaguely remembered that little privacy argument over Pentium IIs and their serial numbers!!!!!!!!! (See issue 23...) Intel said it could be switched "off" by one of their clever programs, but as the number is still there, it would only take someone to work out how to switch it back "on" again!!!!!!!! And that "person" is the old German computer mag, C'T'!!!!!!!! They've now proved that even with the number switched "off", software can still switch it back on and read it!!!!!!!!!!!!
Intel are now doing a "fix", wherw the BIOS makes sure the number is kept "off", but firstly that only works at bootup, so some company could still read your serial no. in the meantime!!!!!! And what's more, your BIOS can also be re-programmed to not switch the number off!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For some unexplained reason, it's unofficial "MP3 Week" in Wired!!!!!!!!! After all the usual hysteria along the lines of "MP3=piracy" or whatever, they've done a whole load of stories about people doing good things with the file format!!!!!!!!! They've of course mentioned the very nice people at http://www.mp3.com/ who let loads of people upload their tunes to their servers, and then make CDs of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.wired.com/news/print_version/culture/
story/18023.html?wnpg=all
Not that we're biased or anything, but we think you should buy this lot's CD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, you might have been riveted by Belle & Sebastian winning a gong, or Bjorn Ulvaeus putting on a brave face after the worst pop bands in Britain made a complete pigs ear of his songs, but here's an awards ceremony that is probably a little less like a music industry piss-up!!!!!! And it's all thanks to MP3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, it's the MP3 Music Awards!!!!!!! So if you have a groovy tune, MP3 it and put it on tha NetWeb, then give this lot the URL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still dunno why all their webpages are big single images with text and everything tho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bet when you were doing all those funny shapes in Lego (And then actually building something with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) when you were young, that you weren't thinking: "Hmmm... Wouldn't it be really great if I could write an operating system for this!??!?!?!" Well, OK, you might have done, but if did, you're a bit slow!!!!!!! Because it's only now that someone has done has actually done it!!!!!!! Yes, it's a special Linux program for people who wish to connect their computes to that funny Mindstorms range of bricks that those tight-fisted peeps in Lego-land didn't send us a beta test copy of!!!!!!! (See issue 2...) BTW it's called... LegOS!!!!!!!! I hope it doesn't get confused with any operating systems for artificial legs!!!!!!!!!
http://www.wired.com/news/print_version/technology/
story/18065.html?wnpg=all
Have you ever wanted to go on a bicycle and cycle faster than the speed of light!?!?!?!?!?!? Don't woryy, you won't need Sir Clive Sinclair to make you a powered "zike" which has infinite energy!!!!!!!!!!!!! You just need these people in the following article to slow down the apparent speed of light for you!!!!!!!!!!
Well, actually, they of course do not actually slow down the speed of light, as that's always at the.. erm, speed of light!!!!!!!! They actually stick the light through a cloud of atoms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the effect of sticking loadsa atoms in the way slows down the transmission of light to a puny 17 metres a second!!!!!!!!! Why not just stick a brick wall in front of the light beams- that would slow it down to zero metres per second, wouldn't it?!?!?!?!?!?
http://www.yahoo.co.uk/headlines/19990222/newscien/
919641660-3423232036.html
Have you ever been surfing on tha NetWeb, and thought: "Hmmm... It's a shame I don't have a Wurlitzer with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?!?!?! Well, now someone has solved that somewhat awkward predicament!!!!!!!!! If you've got a speedy gonzales netweb connection and the latest version of Winamp, that is!!!!!!!! Yes, that's right, it's one of those delightful Shoutcast broadcasting sites, (See issue 21...) and this one's a jukebox style one!!!!!!!! This one allows one to browse through a list of tunes, and select from them which ones you want to be queued on the server next!!!!!!!!! And there's actually quite a good choice!!!!!!!!! Despite the really dreary choice that passes for "random" choices when no-one's requesting anything, (You would probably like it if you read that "Rolling Stone" magazine a lot!!!!) there's actually a slightly better choice than you get in most pub jukeboxes!!!! So when we found about this really neat site, the first thing we did we did was to stop all the Counting Crows and similar nonsense and queue up some good old Aqua and Duran Duran, which must have been a bit disconcerting to the other two listeners at the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's probably a bit dodgy on the legal front to say the least, what with all those copyright files being streamed outwards, but we like the idea, and can imagine a legit equivalent of it going down really well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So you might as well get along to it before someone goes el-stamp-o on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shortly after we told you about Microsoft patenting stylesheets, (See issue 24...) we heard of this mind-boggling story of MS wanting to buy into the Linux market!!!!!!!!!!!!! A couple of years ago, some guy brought the domain name linux.com, and he's now selling it!!!!!!! And guess who was one of the bidders!!!!!!!!!
http://www.news.com/News/Item/0,4,33186,00.html
This might be a surprise to some people who read a completely different story from another MS spokesperson the very next day!!!!!!!!!! Apparently according to this person Linux has a 'weak value proposition'- which no doubt explains why MS were wanting to buy into it, doesn't it?!?!?!?!?!?!
http://www.zdnet.com/pcweek/stories/news/
0,4153,1014079,00.html
Have you ever driven a car, crashed it, and then subsequently thought: "Wouldn't it be a great idea if I was ever in that precarious situation again, that a disembodied presence would take over from me and drive to safety!?!?!?!"?!? Well, some clever people are working on it!!! However, unlike co-pilots in airlines, this co-pilot won't have to keep fiddling with his joystick!!!!!!! That's because it's actually a computer which can control the steering and speed, and take over at the first sign of danger!!!!!!!!!! So you'll probably always find yourself slowing down behind Skodas!!!!!!!!! And the really funny thing is, it's by the Fraunhofer Institute, those nice people who patent their MP3 encoding algorhythms!!!!!!!!!! (See issue 11...) You'll probably need to install one of those funny new MP3 players in your car to get this thing to work!!!!!!!!!
http://www.yahoo.co.uk/headlines/19990222/
newscien/919641660-2415951901.html
Have you seen one of those "modern art" thingies (Like "Cow Pat Cut In Half" by Damien Hirst or whatever it is!!!!!!!!!) and thought "I can do that shit, completely at random!!!!!!"?!?!?!?! Well, you'd be right, because here's a site dedicated to creating art that's as modern as you can get, and it does it completely at random!!!!!!! No, it's not one of those "fractal" places!!!!!!! Erm... well, actually, it's a bit like that, really!!!!!!! It's the Gallery of Random Art!!!!!!! It generates funny little pictures randomly using the almighty power of mathematics!!!!!!!!! And you can vote on the best and worst of them, and the best are kept for posterity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you've ever been to one of those Newstrolls (See issue 6...) links, you might know exactly why the New York Times website is so bloody irritating!!!!! yes, that's right, it's one of those sites where you have to "register" with them before you can view any of their news stories!!!!!!!! Even worse, they do it really well, so it's not like the UK Times website where a user's registration number is part of the URL, giving you a URL that you can read a story from without registering, and then navigate through the rest of the "restricted" site!!!!!!!! Well, here's one way you can get by the NY Times' barriers!!!!!!!!!! The paper now does a news summary in MP3 format from mp3.com!!!!!! But evn then, the NYT lot are still being bloody irritating- there's no RealAudio "Instant Play" function, so you have to download a flippin' meg and a half of MP3 before you can listen to and decide if it's worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever been on the phone to someone really boring who talked a lot, and while they were going on and on, you were thinking: "I could have whisked an egg in the time it takes this idiot takes to say something!!!!!!!!!!!"?!?!?! Well, now you do can this!!!!!!!! With a handy new "Ronco" style appliance called the "BlenderPhone"!!!!!!!!!! It's erm, a phone with a blender on it!!!!!!! This miracle device will appear on the "Howie Mandell" show!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno what that is, but it sounds impressive!!!!!!!!!!! Mind you, I can't wait for those clever people to come up with the "HooverShaver"!!!!!!!!!! Funnily enough, a lot of people think I already have a HooverShaver, but that's only because my current electric shaver is so old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.zdnet.com/zdnn/stories/news/0,4586,2215782,00.html
We'll probably need to get orange oblong "media" glasses and adopt an "ironic" grin now!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently MTV bought our radio station Radio East Milton (See issue 18...) last week, and we didn't notice!!!!!!!!! That's because they've bought over the company Imagine Radio who do our internet radio station!!!!!!!! Apparently this buyout is part of MTV's "Buggles Project", which is a bit ironic as the song The Buggles are most famous for is "Video Killed the Radio Star"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.mercurycenter.com/svtech/news/breaking/
merc/docs/053764.htm
What MTV have bought...
Have you ever lost your baggage in transit?!?!??!?!?! Well, someone in Swindom might buy it, thanks to the megamighty power of tha InphoPipeway NetWeb!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's all thanks to this wonderful Unclaimed Baggage website!!!!!!! Apparently they buy all this unclaimed baggage stuff, which is apparently at really cheap prices!!!!!!!!! Then they sell it on this website for only slightly more expensive prices!!!!!!!!!!!!! So it's it bit like the webby equivalent of Delboy!!!!!!!! Though obviously the unclaimed baggage hasn't fallen off any lorries or anything like that!!!!!!!!!!
Well, this is an intresting idea from the lot who do those sweetie thingies called M&Ms!!!!!!!! You can order M&Ms from their website- in custom colours!!!!!!!!!!!! So, if you've ever thought it would be a really good idea to get M&Ms in "cyan" and "teal green", now's your chance!!!!!!!! Only one problem tho... You can only order a minium of 40 pounds worth!!!!!!!! That might not sound too much, but this is not a UK website, it's an American one!!!!!!!!! And when they say 40 pounds, they actually mean 40 pounds- in weight!!!!!!! Which ends up more expensive than one of those flippin' Diamond Rio MP3 players!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have been to the cinema to watch a film, and in the middle of the film, some person in the audience stands up and shouts: "This film's too good!!!!!!!!!!"?!?!?!?!?!?!? Well, it doesn't happen at our Milton Gaumont cinema, I can tell you!!!!!!!! In fact, it's usually the opposite!!!!!!!!! Erm, anyway!!!! If these people in this article are to be believed, in future, we'll be complaining about the film looking too good!!!!!!!!!! (I don't see it myself somehow!!!!!!!!!!) This is because films are now starting to made using digital "film" instead of the usual celloid stuff!!!!!!! And already some filmakers are complaining that digital film is too good!!!!!!!!! Apparently, it's much more sharp and detailed than celluloid, and apparently it doesn't have the "character" of old film, or something vague like that!!!!!!! Someone in this article says:
"If you go into a lamp shop today you'll still find a fair amount of lamps that are still pretending like they're candlesticks. But there's no reason an electric light should look like a candlestick."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Erm, well.. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.wired.com/news/print_version/technology/
story/18176.html?wnpg=all
In an episode I saw recently of that jolly "tech" series "Bugs", some young teenage "hacker" person hid an ancient Mayan mask inside a loudspeaker on display in Dixons!!!!!! Well, in future that might not be a good idea, for two reasons:
That's some really clever people have invented transparent speakers that can be stuck on glass or plexiglass!!!!!!!!! So in future you'll go to concerts, and the speaker columns will look like an office block!!!!!!!!!
Apparently there was some news story last week where some hackers logged onto a UK military satellite and wrote "Kilroy woz ere!!!!" or something like that!!!! Well, it's a load of cobblers, apparently!!!!!!!!!! At least, so say the MOD, who finally bothered to comment on the story on 3rd March after loadsa days of "no comment"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The odd thing is that nearly all the UK media also went all "no comment" on the story, which first appeared in the UK edition of Yahoo News about a week ago, and reported nowhere else in the UK media, until this BBC report, quoting the MOD saying it's a load of cobblers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's the Yahoo story!!!!!!!!!!!
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/headlines/ts/story.html?
s=v/nm/19990228/ts/hackers_1.html
And here's the BBC one where the MOD says it's a load of cobblers!!!!!!!!!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_288000/288965.stm
Well, that might not be worth reporting, you'd think!!!!!!!!!!! After all, the MOD would probably say it's a load of cobblers, wouldn't they, even if it wasn't!!!!!!!!!! But some people at a US mag on tha NetWeb, noticing the lack of UK investigation, decided to conduct their own!!!!!!!!!!! And they found out it was a load of cobblers as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it's not really well publicised!!!!!!!!!! So we'll probably get tons of conspiracy theories coming out about this story for years to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.technologypost.com/topstory/Daily/
19990302103981145.asp?Section=Main
Now this is a top site in our humble opinion!!!!!!!!!!! The Bad B-Movies site contains reviews of really brilliant movies like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and "The Evil Dead II"!!!!!!!!!!! Even better, they've got reviews of loads of films we've never heard of!!!!!!!! Such as"Rock 'n 'Roll Frankenstein" - "Record producer and mad scientist create a rock star from the parts of Elvis, Jimmy Hendricks, and - by accident - Liberace."
Well, this is a new angle on "Net=bad" type stories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently, according to this story, some Italian guy surfed the net for three WHOLE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And at the end of that mammoth surf, he ended up suffering from hallucinations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We expect there will now be tons of articles about people getting hallucinations from surfing the net, and someone will probably get round to making some really bad puns vis a vis "virtual reality" or something like that!!!!!! The funny thing is that I saw this telly documentary on sleep some time ago, and apparently there was experiments on sleep deprivation, and they found that people who didn't sleep got hallucinations!!!!!!!!! So what's this story got to do with tha NetWeb then?!?!?!?!?!?!
http://www.techserver.com/story/body/
0,1634,23929-38849-283980-0,00.html
Now this is sad!!!!!!!!!! Apparently someone actually studied the mathematics of knots in ties!!!!!!!!!!! Now when I was working in the old days, (When you couldn't even get into a Turkish bath without wearing a tie!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I just did a Full Windsor on my tie, (And then I tied it!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha!!!!!! Only joking!!!!) but this lot have actually worked out the "perfect" tie knot, and proved it by mathematics!!!!!!!!!!! Oddly enough, this page is from a website in Cambridge University.....
http://www.tcm.phy.cam.ac.uk/~tmf20/
papers_html/tie1/paper/paper.html